Window Washers We Are NOT

So, you are no longer able to tell if it is night or day, while sitting in your house.  Your windows are filthy, and you need to clean them. You think that you would like to be able to see through your windows. Would you like my advice? In my honest opinion, having a view is overrated. Sit in your cave and enjoy the penumbra. You will be better off. Unless, of course, you have new modern windows that fold in and allow you to wash the outside of the window without going outside or climbing a ladder. If you have these newfangled inventions, you will be able to read this post and laugh at the ridiculousness of our situation. If you have older windows like the ones installed in our house in 1952, you can read this post and shutter thinking that this may have happened to you.

It all began when we put in our blinds, which you can read about here. I loved them from the moment they were installed, but since I was looking at the windows much more closely and frequently with the new blinds, I began to notice how filthy they were. I had not cleaned the outside of the windows since I moved in. From the looks of them, the screens had never been cleaned at all. Things were looking dark. I informed Douglas that I would like to clean the screens and windows, inside and out, on Sunday, September 23, 2012.

And so, the saga began. Douglas guessed that the entire project would take us between three and four hours. I thought that his estimate was not realistic, but neither of us had any idea of what we were really getting ourselves into. He even planned to go for a two hour run before we started, figuring that he had plenty of time. Luckily, I was able to talk him out of that, because as it turned out, we started right after breakfast and were still toiling away long after dark. Have you ever tried to clean windows in the dark? No, probably no one else is that dumb. Most people realize that you cannot see the windows well enough to clean them properly once the sun has set.

Things did not start out so badly. Douglas began taking out all of the screens and storm windows and separating them on the lawn. If you are crazy or desperate enough to try to emulate this project despite my dire warnings, it is important to remember to keep the screens and storm windows in order. Otherwise, you will drive yourselves crazy trying to reinsert them. We avoided that problem. It was one of the few that we did not encounter.

While Douglas was working on the removal, I tried to clean the casements, or the openings where the windows sit. The grooves that the storm windows and screens sit in were filled with muck. I hoped that if I cleaned them, it would be easier to raise and lower them. As it is, Douglas has had to do it for me because I lack the strength.

I tried all sorts of paraphernalia to clean those suckers, and nothing worked really well. I finally settled on a combination of blasting the corners with compressed air, vacuuming what I could out, spraying the hell out of it with a vinegar and water solution that I mixed myself, and then working a cloth into the grooves with a scraper.

They are by no means perfect, but they are a lot cleaner than they were before. I am also happy to announce that I CAN raise and lower them all by myself. I love when a plan works out, especially when so much work went into it. At least we have a small measure of success with our project.

I then took a break from the windows to hang out laundry. You can read about my line and laundry escapades from another day here.

Once Douglas got everything onto the lawn, he began cleaning the screens. Neither of us had ever cleaned screen before, so I looked up a tutorial on eHow. It is not difficult. He first wet them with the hose. Then he scrubbed them with a brush and a solution of water, ammonia and soap that I mixed and put in a spray bottle for him. Finally, he sprayed them again. The problem turned out to be that the screens looked much cleaner when they were wet, but the dirty buildup appeared again when they were dry. They probably could have used another scrubbing, but we did not realize this until it was dark, and they were already back in the house. At any rate, they still look better than they did.

After cleaning the casements, my next job was to clean the inside of the windows. I was using a homemade solution of water, alcohol and a dash of vinegar.

Douglas then cleaned all the windows outside with a bucket of soapy water and a cloth. The purpose of this cleaning was to really get the crud off of the sashes and muntins, which is the wood between the panes. (I had to look that one up.) This left the windows really streaky outside, but we knew that it would.

He then had to start detailing the window panes on the outside. That is where we realized that this was going to be more difficult than we thought. No matter how much we cleaned inside and out the windows still looked streaky. It was getting late, and we were both getting cranky. It was so frustrating to work so hard and not achieve the level of success desired. We deserved clean windows, dammit! Douglas started hunting better supplies, but this took even more time away from the project. First, he drove to the grocery store to buy squeegees. That was better, but the windows were still streaky. He went back to the store to buy Windex, in case it was my homemade solution that was causing the problem. Still not perfect, but by this time it was getting dark, and we had to settle on good enough.

In the meantime, I was cleaning the storm windows. I started at dusk and finished in the pitch black.  My process was to lug the piece over to my work area, scrub it down with soapy water, squeegee it, spray it with Windex, wipe it with a cloth and then drag it over to the side of the house. By the time it was over, I felt as though I had been beaten with a stick. Those things are heavy to move around.

Douglas took care of putting all of the screens and storm windows back in. We could not even see the end result. In fact, I did not see it until I got home from work the next day. They look a lot better. In hindsight, I wish that we had just replaced the screens with new screen rather than trying to clean them. They are so old that they are past the point where cleaning can help them much. I still wish we could win the lottery so that we could replace the whole ca-boot with modern windows that are easy to clean. Douglas says that we should win enough money to just replace them with clean windows yearly. Here are the before and after shots. They are more dramatic than I expected them to be.

The worst part about the project was that even after all of the windows were done, our work had not finished. Douglas cooked us dinner while I vacuumed and pushed all of the furniture back into place. The cat had displayed her displeasure for the project by knocking over plants. Kahlua also had to be walked because she had spent the day cowering in the corner of the bedroom. The bed had to be made, since I had washed them and hung them on the line. Tools, cloths and other materials had to be gathered and put away. Then, we had to shower because we were covered in window gunk. Douglas did not finish until 12:15. The next day was a tough one.

Happy Homemaking!

UPDATE: We have since had brand-new windows installed so that we never have to go through this process again. Douglas still twitches when you mention window washing, and I have woken up screaming after having nightmares that someone is making me wash windows. Our new windows are single panes and fold in so that both sides can be cleaned from the inside. We are making a slow but steady recovery from this incident.